The other guys in suits prattle on about stock options and boobs. Blah Blah contract Blah Blah computer virus Blah Blah escort service. All you can do is stare off into space, dreaming of chowing down on some good old fashioned man steak. If you can relate to this scenario, if you know the joys of human meat and just can't get the taste out of your mouth no matter how hard you try, if you just CAN'T let go of the craving, you've found a friend. Homosoypian is here.
For years you've watched your vegetarian friends eat tofurkey, soysage, bocca burgers, soy chickens, soy dogs, soy monkeys. And you've been like "What about me!!!" This is what about you, friend. The answer to the prayers of every reformed cannibal vegetarian in the world.
Website in progress. For now just sit back, pop in your DVD of Cannibal! The Musical and relax. We're here now, and everything is going to be alright.
NEWS
3/24/2010- I figured out to easily make big ass letters.
3/16/10- If I was gonna car-jack people I would roll up on a scooter with a helmet on. Cause those guys look dumb as shit. No one would expect anything. then BAM!! I punched you in the dick and stole your car.
3/11/10- Dreamer section added. Guess what it's about...
02/24/2010- The Eye Of Gahoot is upon us. Finally found a point to existence. I'm creating my own religion. Thus the new "religion" tab. Probably rename that eventually. Everything up in the air. As it should be...as it should be.
01/12/2010- Ok, the advice column is dead, at least for now. The good news is that I have to actually pay attention to this site now. I just realized that our best short so far is an advertisement for this dang place. There's an email link at the bottom at the bottom of the page, email me with suggestions for what I should do here. I have a few ideas, all of them completely self-indulgent and ridiculous. I'll probably just ignore whatever you say and do those...Can't get the logo to work. hmmmmmmm
09/19/2009- It's here! The commercial is online! Click here to see it. Also the links page is more usefull now, there's a link to our myspace (friend us to get updates spammed in your bulletin box along with conspiracy videos we think you should see) and a link to Big Ole Dude Films. If you're dropping by the site for the first time, head over to the advice page and leave a question. Hell, leave a statement, I'm just glad you're here...
OH! and whoever is spamming the advice column...you're very very stupid. sigh. Have you guys seen this spam? It's gibberish and it's all about drugs. Very odd. And how did they even find this place with NOOOO advertising? I don't want to say that I suspect an astral or inter-dimensional attack on the site, but...We may just take the advice column down...or just switch it to an email system. Gotta sleep on that one. Anyway, stick with us, more films and more madness on the way.
07/07/2009- Whoa, nelly. It's been way too long, hasn't it? It's ok though, NEW MOVIES COMING!!! One is about to be up before you know it. The commercial is still in post-production hell, but we're sending a post-production angel in to do battle with the demons of technical difficulties. Maybe we'll flim that apocolayptic episode and post it right here!
Drink of the day:
"Carlton Banks"
-Fill Martini glass 7/8ths of the way with chocolate milk
-Add one olive
05/01/2009- Big night. New fun on the advice page and we added a links page. This is fun. By the way...
PRODUCTION PHOTOS! BOOM!!!
04/27/2009- HUGE update. The first commercial is filmed, and it went perfectly. We really couldn't be happier with what we got today. Now we just have to edit and slap some original music on that mo fo and we're good to go. Look for production stills online soon, either here or at myspace.com/ponyrideinahauntedhouse. <<<WORKING LINK OMG!
04/23/2009- Seriously, we can't help you if you don't ask... By the way! Did you know that you can make your own green screen? That's right. And the software make it work is pretty cheap...
04/21/2009- The logo is coming along nicely, I saw a sketch of it last night. We should have it up soon. Right now I'm working on the advice column, and you can already see the button for it at the top. I wish web design was more like planting trees, but it's not. Nothing like that at all, really...
Update: The advice page is up and running full steam ahead. It's in the form of a guest book for now, but we can change it so that you just email questions if you want. Not that we expect a flood of questions...
We want to do a podcast more than anything in the world. So in the coming weeks (months) expect a show. The only obstacles in the way there is a lack of money, skill, equipment, and basic understanding of how to do a podcast...
I'm gonna prepare you for this now. The site won't always look like this, and in the coming days (weeks) we're going to have to say goodbye to our friends at the top of the page, Mr. Pennywagon and Dr. Daydream. They've been good to us, and if there is any way for them to live on in the Homosoypian mythos, they will. It's not lookin good for our boys though.
04/20/2009- Happy Pot Day!!! No, the commercial didn't get filmed yet cause Mr. and Mrs. Drunk came over Sunday night and made me drink all my wine. And then Tuesday it rained. When I was a kid I wanted to go to heaven and be in weather control. I maybe should have stuck with that one, cause whoever is doing it now is a jerk. WE NEED HELP!!! Send us your artists, musicians, web designers, investors, filmakers, and animators. By the way, the band IS working on a jingle. The Vinyl Sound they're called, I'll prolly start calling them that instead of "the band".
A new plan is forming. Here is the outline so far.
1. stop drinking.
2. stop sleeping.
2.5 eat lox cream cheese bagels before bed...nevermind, no more sleep.
3. make stuff in time that was previously spent drinking and sleeping.
4. move to different town.
5. meet girl, stop making stuff due to over abundance of sex.
6. find out girl is the devil (again).
7. start drinking again and making stuff due to sadness over girl being the devil.
8. email web host to get password for homosoypian.com, will have forgotten it.
9. recruit army of art ninjas for the site.
10. make site totally rad.
11. sell idea to viacom.
12. start smoking weed again.
13. play pinball machine (high) on boat until death.
It's 4:30 in the damn morning, why can't I sleep? Oh yeah, not allowed.
04/12/2009- Happy Easter!!! This time next year you'll be finding Homosoypian brand condoms inside plastic eggs. Big big news. The first commercial is filming TOMORROW!!!! And the second is written. We have a few logistical issues to overcome with that one, but many great minds are working on it, so it shouldn't more than a couple weeks. The cast of both commercials are super pumped. Other than that, we may have a better web building program on the way, so fingers (yours or someone else's wink wink) crossed. It is a bright day.
04/11/2009- The advice column page should be open tomorrow. Apparently every time we want to expand to another page we have to wait for some kind of application to go through. Oh well. It should be up tomorrow and we can get started fixing all of your problems. Came up with another expansion, "Eff That!" where we can rant for and against everything that matters in the world of cannibal vegetarianism and beyond. The first person to be defended has already been chosen. Hint: He should be able to ABSORB a lot of punishment, but we're still gonna help out. Should prolly go ahead and apply for that page too...Seriously though, somebody email and let me know everything is working so far. OH! we should do a newsletter sign up thing. Oh, and suggestions and art are more than welcome. Counter added, yes!
04/10/2009- So now some people know about the site, and that's a step in the right direction. A jingle may very well be on the way. We've talked to the band, and think they're gonna try to put something together. Casio keyboards and drum machines were mentioned. Hopefully the bird of inspiration lands on them and lays a big protein filled song egg. Feelers have gone out to artists, so maybe we can start adding some pretty here sooner rather than later. We've got an email address set up too. Link at the bottom (hopefully). We're thinking of adding a dream journal page (The other night I dreamed I swallowed a snake whole), plus a blog or three. In the long term possibilities include another product line and a charity. But we're getting WAY ahead of ourselves. Also considering the idea of not referring to myself as WE. Don't know about that one though, makes us feel like an army. Stay tuned.
Justin@homosoypian.com